So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's blow job season.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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