I'm going to jail i love you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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