I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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