if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
