Betty ford says i'm here all night
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
