ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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