please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
