Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
