which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
cat food counts as protein by the way
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
