Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
