We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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