Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
