apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
