Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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