so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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