Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
