my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
