I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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