So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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