I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
