He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
