do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
