I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
