He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
