Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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