I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
