Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
vagina is talking i cant
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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