Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
