I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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