Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
bring money and cleavage
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
