Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Send help, water and tortillas.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
