took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
