This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
