Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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