I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
