how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
