Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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