We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
