Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
