my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
