There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
