Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
