When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
