you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
