ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
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