a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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