Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
