You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Someone shit on the floor
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Randomize
