The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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