so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
