im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
