yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
